Survey Says - Well, Crap...

Well differentiated neuroendocrine tumor - Grade 1. Slow growing, non-aggressive, caught early. Surgeon said, I won't die. It has to be removed this year. May become a diabetic from partial pancreatectomy. May have to remove my spleen. Any Questions? Uh, yeah. Uh, crap. Uh, who will operate? Well, have to find a surgical oncologist who specializes in pancreatectomies. Surgeon proceeds to tell me hospitals that have really good surgical oncologists. Did I mention this was at 8:30am? While I was at work? Well, crap...

Here we go. Call Meghan, tell her what he said, commence meltdown. At work. Tears, check. Want to run, check. Begin praying, check - check - check.✔✔✔

I'm pretty good at composing myself. I can fake it til lunch, at which time I call my mom. As I tell her, she says "what can we do for you"? Nothing, mom, just pray. Done. I say, "mom, it's more or less cancer", she says "obviously, you have to see an oncologist". Okay, maybe I'm a bit in denial. I get home to Meghan and Alex. We have an open discussion about what's going on. Meghan proceeds to tell me she has begun researching surgeons, and that we are not going to shy away from the "c" word. If I become diabetic after surgery, we will deal with it. If they remove my spleen, we will deal with it. Did I mention Meghan already had her meltdown, now we are in face it head on mode. Only problem is, I'm still processing. Back to work I go.

At this point, I say, God, you have brought me to this, you WILL bring me through this. Whatever is going to happen, will happen. You, and You ONLY, are going to carry me, because at this point, I can't breathe, I can't think straight, and I just can't control all of this, feel like my heart is beating out of my chest.

Here's the deal. I cannot change this. This is my new adventure. Surgery is in my very near future. So, before I leave work, I sit down with my manager, and put in ALL my time off requests for vacation. Because I AM GOING TO ALASKA. This is something I've dreamed of doing my entire adult life. This is my biggest trip, and this Crazy Lady wants one more big one before things change.

Tomorrow I'm going to try contacting Surgical Oncologists, tonight, I opened a bottle of champagne and am celebrating the good stuff. I am celebrating answers. I am celebrating the fact that God finds me worthy of this challenge. I've got great people. I am loved. I am ready! Stay tuned as I begin searching for a surgeon - wish them luck! 🍾